so it’s undoubtedly been a very long time since I posted and for that I apologize. I’ve been writing a ton of stuff, some for Second City, some for personal use (read:nothing) and some stuff that will never be finished. Anyway, none of it has felt right for tumblr so I haven’t posted it. Also, I haven’t actually even been on tumblr in a while because it slows down my network at work and that is generally when I do most of my tumbling because as you are all aware, stealing company time gives me a boner. So i just wanted to say that I haven’t forgotten or abandoned this page, I’m just taking a bit of a breather and promise to return with more stuff that may or may not be funny but fuck it, it’ll exist. So thank you for all the kind messages (there were 3, so you can tell I’m pretty popular around here) and I will start getting more posts up soon!
i feel good about this
This is a tumblelog, kinda like a blog but with short-form, mixed-media posts with stuff I like. Scroll down a bit to start reading, or a bit more to read more about me.
On the phone with my mom.
Mom: well honey, I gotta go. My jaw is tired from talking all day.
Me: I’m glad it’s tired from talking.
WHO SPEAKS TO THEIR MOTHER LIKE THAT?!
In my defense she did laugh pretty hard but I also don’t like living in a world where my mother gets jokes like that.
This is important for anyone who is interested in being my valentine. Hashtag instead.
So I just snorted from laughing because I completely forgot about this picture. This is a picture Patrick took of me a month or 2 ago. We were at a Christmas party where I drank Horchatas made with tequila, vodka and grapefruit juice, white wine, red wine and Miller Lite. Needless to say, this snapshot of me looking saintly was approximately 10 seconds before I threw up all over my dress and shoes. Both of which I had to throw out. Also, I figured I put it up because I’ve gotten several (two, but i’m going to go with several) anonymous messages asking me to post a picture of myself. I’m not above vanity but I try really hard to pretend that I am.
I’m really interested in making M.I.A. my domestic partner, seeing as that’s all the state of Illinois will allow. As if THAT’S the roadblock between M.I.A. and me getting married.
anonymous friend going through a pregnancy scare: I haven’t gotten my period in 2 months.
me: well…you probably wanna get that checked out…
afgtaps: I can’t be pregnant, right?
me: probably not, but it’s best to be sure before you have a baby on the toilet.
afgtaps: I just can’t be. ugh! am i glowing?
So what’s this you ask? Well, I just found a purity ring in my bathroom and obviously my first instinct was to put it on. I’m surprised it didn’t singe my finger. Considering my roommate is a totally normal, non-religious zealot, I’m pretty confused. I can only assume she bagged a Jonas brother and took his ring as her prize?
i think the proclamation that i’m going to blog everyday has actually made me blog less. it’s almost like there’s a petulant 15 year old girl inside of me that rebelliously does the opposite of what the adult me tells it to do. it’s like on those days i tell myself i’m going to eat vegetables and then i go home and shotgun a pizza. but who the SHIT am i sticking it to?
i used the wrong “then” on one of my tags. see if you can find it before i kill myself.
Also, is it racist if this blew my fucking mind?
So I should go ahead and give up, right?
